Gentlemen and The Higg
Rounds 5 & 6 have been less interesting than usual. This is probably because hardly anybody scored any tries. In fact the most interesting contest has been the race for last. Unfortunately Abdul Gomaa's "Titilating Titans" have crumbled at the last minute, his team leaping up 3 places to 19th. But credit is due to "Barrys Bastards" and William Gallagher's unnamed team who have really stepped up their game. The intensity has been unnerving and going into the final round just 5 points separate these two veteran fantasy leaguers who have lead a master class on how to finish last. Best of luck to them both.
Mid-table has seen The Higg struggle to break his all time high of 13th place. The Nut pressed the former Squirrel on whether he thought his team had it within them to finish in the top half, he responded by saying "Mike! I'm not having an interview till you bloody wash up!....no....SERIOUSLY MIKE....don't look at me like that, and get that microphone out my face! Ahhggr!..no...wash up now".
Cherish The Nut
Friday, 21 October 2011
Thursday, 6 October 2011
SRWCFL Round 4
Gentlemen and the Higg...who has recently been questioned by police regarding an incident with a child last weekend,
Round 4 is over, signalling the end of international rugby driven by political correctness (Seriously, there is no way Namibia and Romania should be contesting in a world cup, they've accrued -347 points difference between them), and finally unleashing four arse-spanking-ly-awesome fixtures for this weekend. The Paddies Vs The Taffys, The Queen's XV Vs The Dirty French, The Big Green Meat Eating Machine Vs The Criminal Element and finally The Blackness Vs The Argentine-Swines. I'll come back to these later.
Round 4 has seen a lot of non-movers. 9 in all. Much like Elton John's Piano stool "Snadbul's Titilating Titans" are still tightly wedged into bottom place. Barry Gravy, William Gallagher and Kyle Gallimore are also all deep into wooden spoon territory. They'll clearly be looking to win big this weekend, and by win I clearly mean lose, and when I say lose, I really mean Win Big at Losing....or whatever.
Anyway, another non-mover Ashley Jackman's "Scoregasm RFC" are, for the third week running, stuck in their preferred 14th. The Higg also remains at his team's all time high of 13th place. While having his hair cut for his next appearance on the BBCs latest reality TV series, "strictly come flapping", The Nut bagged an interview with the former-Squirrel and questioned the recent allegations made against him. The Higg responded with the following; "look that kid was throwing bread at me all day ok! You try standing there and putting up with that $*£@! I swear just went to go peck him on the nose and I accidentally grabbed his whole face. It was an accident, a terrible terrible accident". The Higg continued to sob awkwardly for several minutes before exclaiming "BLOODY CU@T SHOULDN'T HAVE THROWN BREAD AT ME!" These allegations form part of a series of 'out of character' behaviours recently displayed by the once loved squirrel. Public opinion towards The Higg have been dwindling ever since his infamous 'Month of Madness' last winter, where several 'incidents' such as his "conviction for petty theft" and the "drunken McDonalds Binge" were widely reported in the press. When pressed by The Nut on what motivated his lust for petty crime, The Higg proceeded to snatch a tube of Pringles from the studio coffee table before rashly stumbling across the floor, opening the third storey window, flipping the bird at The Nut staff before soaring off into the afternoon sky. The Higg has been unavailable for comment since.
Finally, this weeks "Managers Moment", a recent and no doubt one week feature from The Nut, focuses on "Penguin RFC" manager and generally contact-shy Squirrel nine, Morgan O'Flaherty. The 0ft 9inch player is the spokesman for a disabled penguins charity "Pu-pu-pu-pu-pick-up-a-Penguin.......for Charity" which focuses on helping young disabled penguins fly by strapping two miniature grade three rocket boosters to their backs. O'Flaherty commented "yeah it's a really important charity that I deeply believe in. Helping these penguins is extremely important to me, because of my heritage obviously". Whilst on SKY news later that day, the squirrel nine was confronted by a top Veterinarian who informed the charity spokesman that Penguins as a species were unable to fly unaided. Mr O'Flaherty remained silent for the rest of the interview. 23minutes in total. His new range of penguin attire has struggled to sell since.
The Nut will return after round 5 with more SRWCFL movements and the weeks top stories.
Round 4 is over, signalling the end of international rugby driven by political correctness (Seriously, there is no way Namibia and Romania should be contesting in a world cup, they've accrued -347 points difference between them), and finally unleashing four arse-spanking-ly-awesome fixtures for this weekend. The Paddies Vs The Taffys, The Queen's XV Vs The Dirty French, The Big Green Meat Eating Machine Vs The Criminal Element and finally The Blackness Vs The Argentine-Swines. I'll come back to these later.
Round 4 has seen a lot of non-movers. 9 in all. Much like Elton John's Piano stool "Snadbul's Titilating Titans" are still tightly wedged into bottom place. Barry Gravy, William Gallagher and Kyle Gallimore are also all deep into wooden spoon territory. They'll clearly be looking to win big this weekend, and by win I clearly mean lose, and when I say lose, I really mean Win Big at Losing....or whatever.
Anyway, another non-mover Ashley Jackman's "Scoregasm RFC" are, for the third week running, stuck in their preferred 14th. The Higg also remains at his team's all time high of 13th place. While having his hair cut for his next appearance on the BBCs latest reality TV series, "strictly come flapping", The Nut bagged an interview with the former-Squirrel and questioned the recent allegations made against him. The Higg responded with the following; "look that kid was throwing bread at me all day ok! You try standing there and putting up with that $*£@! I swear just went to go peck him on the nose and I accidentally grabbed his whole face. It was an accident, a terrible terrible accident". The Higg continued to sob awkwardly for several minutes before exclaiming "BLOODY CU@T SHOULDN'T HAVE THROWN BREAD AT ME!" These allegations form part of a series of 'out of character' behaviours recently displayed by the once loved squirrel. Public opinion towards The Higg have been dwindling ever since his infamous 'Month of Madness' last winter, where several 'incidents' such as his "conviction for petty theft" and the "drunken McDonalds Binge" were widely reported in the press. When pressed by The Nut on what motivated his lust for petty crime, The Higg proceeded to snatch a tube of Pringles from the studio coffee table before rashly stumbling across the floor, opening the third storey window, flipping the bird at The Nut staff before soaring off into the afternoon sky. The Higg has been unavailable for comment since.
Finally, this weeks "Managers Moment", a recent and no doubt one week feature from The Nut, focuses on "Penguin RFC" manager and generally contact-shy Squirrel nine, Morgan O'Flaherty. The 0ft 9inch player is the spokesman for a disabled penguins charity "Pu-pu-pu-pu-pick-up-a-Penguin.......for Charity" which focuses on helping young disabled penguins fly by strapping two miniature grade three rocket boosters to their backs. O'Flaherty commented "yeah it's a really important charity that I deeply believe in. Helping these penguins is extremely important to me, because of my heritage obviously". Whilst on SKY news later that day, the squirrel nine was confronted by a top Veterinarian who informed the charity spokesman that Penguins as a species were unable to fly unaided. Mr O'Flaherty remained silent for the rest of the interview. 23minutes in total. His new range of penguin attire has struggled to sell since.
The Nut will return after round 5 with more SRWCFL movements and the weeks top stories.
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