Charlie 'Greets' A&E

The hardcore squirrels who attended today's elite training session atop of Mount Central Park, will have witnessed the horrific mutilation of squirrel funny man and star of the much loved Colgate adverts.

Charlie Greet was bludgeoned by the weighty boot of Michael Turner, five-time winner of Plymouth's Rear Of The Year. When pressed on the issue by the international press Turner was apologetic, stating "yeah, i feel really bad for the guy, he was due to take part in the world incisor championships on Saturday. Stanbridge just grabbed my leg and threw me like a javelin right into greet, boot first!"

Oliver Stanbridge, winner of PRFC's Show Pony award 2010/11, is reported to have spent the entire offseason living at the UoP gym, on a strict diet of raw eggs and steroids. He declined an interview with The Nut.

The Police released the following statement, "Can you please leave the premises, stop wasting police time!"

Don't forget Saturday 09:30 at Portland Square C1, The Criminal Element Vs The Paddies. Then a team jog up to central park for training.